Sunday, December 29

The Writer?

Poor blog. I have been so neglectful. I have not written, I have not even been reading. See I have this new job - that sounds like a good excuse. Or maybe I could say it is the children. I could tell you about the terrifying month my husband spent in the hospital - but I don't think I am ready to talk about that one. I am still trying to gather up the weeks I lost. Ugh.

The truth is I don't really have an excuse. The truth is I did not want to write. I have things to say, yes, and I have the urge to write, yes. But I am struggling with this notion of being a writer. Let me put that differently - the Idea of Being A Writer. See that difference?

Giancarlo Neri "The Writer"

This is just how my version of self doubt works. If I want to be a writer, then I should be writing. If I don't write, then I won't really be a writer. If I am not a writer, then I will be nothing. If I am nothing, then I will have things to write about. If I have things to write about, then I will be a writer...If programmers wrote code like this the world would just implode on itself from sheer exhaustion.

Am I going to make some declarations here about making a resolution and setting goals and reaching for dreams? No...I don't put much stock in those things. But I will say that I love to write and I am tired of worrying over the details of Meaning. Who knows what the new year will bring? More words, more time, less doubt, less fear...stay tuned. I might be writing about it.

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