Thursday, October 27

Focus

There are times that I feel like a damn cat being distracted by a laser pointer. I just can't seem to get my focus together.
This is usually the start of a depressive episode.
You know, like when one of the main characters on ER gets shot or something like that.
No, that's not what I mean. That was a joke.
You know what I mean. Sadness, depression, apathy. That's what I mean. When all you want to do is stay in your bed with the covers pulled up to your nose and pretend to be asleep when anyone comes in the room. When you sit at your desk staring at your computer screen and wondering what the hell you are supposed to do now. When you look out the window and just feel...nothing. It's a hell of a thing, depression. It comes on like a cold. First you might find yourself wandering off somewhere mentally. Not being able to stay on task even though you know there are deadlines and things to get done. Then maybe you feel yourself getting more and more irritable. Maybe you hit snooze a few more times that usual. It's like a sniffle. You can kinda ignore it, but not for long. Sooner or later you know it's going to turn into a full-blown drip fest and you are going to start going through tissues like a vegan goes through tofu. (They eat a lot of tofu because they don't eat meat...I don't know why either.)
Anyway.
This is where I am right now. Yesterday this was just sniffles. Ok, if I have to be honest, sniffles and maybe a little cough too. But today...fuck it man I might as well have typhoid. I know I have shit to do. I just can't seem to do it. I know there is no goddamn reason for me to feel this way.
But I do.
So now what?
I don't have that answer. That was not the start of some inspiring chant about how life is so short and we have to grab it by the nuts and sadness is weakness or get up and smell the roses. In case you were wondering. It was more of a retorical what the fuck now universe kind of a thing. Though if there is some answer out there on the internets please let me know. Hopefully there is an answer in my bed under the covers, because I think that's where I am headed.
Oh and, writers block? Yeah, it's gone.

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