Friday, September 30

So you wanted to be a student

Graduate school: the final frontier.
Well, we are 5 weeks into the first semester and I gotta tell you - I don't know what I was expecting, but this was not it. This is haaaard. My writing class is more like therapy and my design class is just kicking my butt. I don't feel like I am really putting school anywhere close to the top of the heap and that only means that I am shorting myself of a great experience. There is just so little time for anything these days...
I know, I know. These are all excuses. It's true. Because this is scary. I am being asked to expose parts of myself that I am really unsure of. It's like every doubt and fear I have was waiting behind a gate that is being opened slowly over the course of the semester. I am supposed to be learning how to deal with these doubts, how to work past them but my god this is hard. All I need to do is just do it. So simple, right? Then why is this so hard? I feel like quitting, but for what? To stay in the mediocrity that I have now? Is that what I really want? When I was in NA people would say that it is easy to stay stuck in your shit. Shit is warm. It might smell, but you get used to the smell. When you climb out of your shit the air is cold and unfamiliar. The easy thing to do is go right back where you are comfortable. So do I want to go back into my shit-pile and remain unchallenged, or do I want to climb out into the cold air and do some damn work.
Someone toss me a sweater, I'm coming out.